麻烦谁来帮我修改下这篇短文 No pain No gainI encountered a terrible thing when I was 10 years and I never forgot it,because at that moment I was between life and death.I was born in a coastal city,the peoples of this city very fond of swi

麻烦谁来帮我修改下这篇短文 No pain No gainI encountered a terrible thing when I was 10 years and I never forgot it,because at that moment I was between life and death.I was born in a coastal city,the peoples of this city very fond of swi
麻烦谁来帮我修改下这篇短文
No pain No gain
I encountered a terrible thing when I was 10 years and I never forgot it,because at that moment I was between life and death.
I was born in a coastal city,the peoples of this city very fond of swimming in the sea and I always go to the beach after dinner,this had become my habit.That day of my story was a bad weather day and sea wind was so heavy,I was very overconfidence of my swimming technique,so still had went to the beach and swum in the sea alone,I was very excited so farther and farther away from the shore,maybe that is not very far for adult,but I dare say the water deeper than my height,the weather is getting worse,I realized the danger so decided to return to shore,but it's too late,a big wave came towards me suddenly then I choked a water and be swallowed by water,I tried to stay awake and exhausted all efforts to self help,but a big wave follow came again,then I was completely submerged into the water,I feel my consciousness gradually blurred even can't feel the pain,but a big hand caught me and pulled me to move,I do not know anything but I realized that I returned to the beach later,my father saved me and I cried the moment,I don't know why I was crying in that time,maybe because fear or felt happy,maybe I was moved.
Later I knew that my father always came to the beach with me,but never made me aware that him.My father gave me my life and my father saved me in the face of death,I do not want to thank my father here because in front of parents everyday is Thanksgiving.
There is a saying in China,just "the one who drowns is the one who is good at swimming",so after that incident,I always very careful when I was swimming,may be this is by falling we learn to go safely.

麻烦谁来帮我修改下这篇短文 No pain No gainI encountered a terrible thing when I was 10 years and I never forgot it,because at that moment I was between life and death.I was born in a coastal city,the peoples of this city very fond of swi
不劳无获
（这篇文章,可能要换种译法,未尝苦果,则无收获）
我10岁时,遇到了一件可怕的事情,因为那一刻我就在生死之间.
我出生在沿海城市,这个城市的人们非常喜欢在海里游泳,而我通常晚饭后就到海滩上去,这已经成了我的习惯.事情当天,天气恶劣,海上刮着大风.而我对自己的游泳技术过于自信,当时我太兴奋了,走得离海岸越来越远.也许那段距离对于大人不算什么,但是对于我而言,我敢说,水可以没过我整个人,天气更糟了,这时我才意识到危险,但是太迟了,一个大浪突然向我袭来,我呛了一口水,海水把我吞噬了,我尽力想保持清醒,竭尽全力自救,但又有一个个大浪打来,然后我完全沉入了水中.我觉得自己的意识越来越模糊,甚至对疼痛都失去了感觉,我什么也不知道了,除了意识到后来我被送回到海滩上,爸爸救了我,那时我嚎啕大哭,我也不知道为什么我会哭,也许因为害怕,也许因为高兴,也许因为我被感动了.
后来我知道了,爸爸总是跟着我来到海边,只是它从来不让我知道.爸爸给了我生命,在我面临死亡时,他又救了我,在此我不想刻意感谢爸爸,因为在父母面前,每天都是感恩节.
中国有句俗语,“溺死的都是会游泳的”.所以从那次事故以后,如果我去游泳,我就会非常小心,也许是因为吃一堑长一智.
When I was 10 years old,I encountered a terrible thing that I will never forget,because at that moment I was between life and death.
I was born in a coastal city,where the people are very fond of swimming in the sea and I always went to the beach after dinner,this became my habit.My story took place in a bad weather day,then sea wind was so heavy.I was too confident about my swimming skill,I went to the beach for swimming alone.So excited I was,I was farther and farther away from the shore.Maybe it was nothing for an adult,but I dare say the water was deeper than my height.The weather was getting worse,then I was aware of the danger and decided to return to shore,but it was too late,a big wave came towards me suddenly,water chocked me and swallowed me,I tried to keep awake and spared no effort for saving myself,but another big wave follow came,I was submerged,I was loosing my consciousness.I even could not feel the pain.But a big hand caught me and pulled me to move,I knew nothing except that I was returned to the beach later.My father saved me and I cried at that moment,I didn't know why I was crying.Maybe its for fear or cheer,maybe I was really moved.
Later I knew that my father always followed me without my awareness.My father gave me my life and my father saved me in the face of death.I do not want to say thanks to my father here because everyday should be a Thanksgiving Day when I is around my parents.
As a saying goes in China,"the one who drowns is the one who is good at swimming".Thus after that incident,I have always been very careful when I go to swim,may be this is by falling we learn to go safely.

一分耕耘一分收获
我遇到了一个可怕的事情时，我10岁，我永远不会忘记，因为在那一刻，我生命与死亡之间它。
我是出生在沿海城市，这个城市非常喜欢在海里游泳，我总是在晚饭后到海滩上的人民，这已经成了我的习惯。那一天我的故事是一个恶劣的天气一天，海风是如此沉重，我很为我的游泳技术过于自信，所以还是不得不去海滩，独自在海中游泳，我感到非常兴奋，所以距离越来越远岸边，也许这不是成人很远，...

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一分耕耘一分收获
我遇到了一个可怕的事情时，我10岁，我永远不会忘记，因为在那一刻，我生命与死亡之间它。
我是出生在沿海城市，这个城市非常喜欢在海里游泳，我总是在晚饭后到海滩上的人民，这已经成了我的习惯。那一天我的故事是一个恶劣的天气一天，海风是如此沉重，我很为我的游泳技术过于自信，所以还是不得不去海滩，独自在海中游泳，我感到非常兴奋，所以距离越来越远岸边，也许这不是成人很远，但我敢说，水深度超过我的身高，天气越来越差，我意识到了危险于是决定返回岸边，但为时已晚，一个大浪驶来我突然那么我呛水，被水吞没，我试图保持清醒，并用尽一切努力，以自助，但一个大浪遵循又来了，当时我完全入水淹没，我觉得我的意识逐渐模糊甚至感觉不到疼痛，但一只大手抓住我，拉着我提出，我什么都不知道，但我意识到，我回到了海滩后，我的父亲救了我，我哭了那一刻，我不知道我为什么在哭在那个时候，也许是因为恐惧或感到高兴，也许我被感动了。
后来我知道，我的父亲总是带着我到海边，但他从未向我说清楚。我的父亲给了我生命和我的父亲保存在面对死亡时我，我不想在这里感谢，因为在父母面前我的父亲是日常感恩节。
有一种说法在中国，仅仅是“一个谁淹没是一个谁是擅长游泳”，使这一事件之后，我总是非常小心，当我还在游泳，这一下降可能是我们学会去安全的。

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I encountered a terrible thing when I was 10 years (old). (And) I (can) never (forget)表达永远不能忘记 it because at that moment I was between life and death.
I was born in a coastal city, the (people) of...

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I encountered a terrible thing when I was 10 years (old). (And) I (can) never (forget)表达永远不能忘记 it because at that moment I was between life and death.
I was born in a coastal city, the (people) of this city (love) swimming in the sea and I always go to the beach after dinner. ( This) (have) become my habit. (The weather of that day in my story was bad) and sea wind was so heavy(.) I was very (overconfident) of my swimming technique, so (I) still ( ) went to the beach and (swam) in the sea alone(.) I was very excited (and I got) farther and farther away from the shore(.) (Maybe) that is not very far for adult, but I (am sure) the water (was) deeper than my height(.) (When) the weather (got) worse, I realized the danger so (I) decided to return to shore(.)句子太长了，可以适当截开 (However,) it (was) too late(.) (A) big wave came towards me suddenly then I choked (by) water and (I was drowned.) I tried to stay awake and (used) all efforts to (survive.) (But) a big wave (followed), then I was completely submerged into the water,(and) I (felt) my consciousness gradually blurred (away?). (I) even can't feel the pain(.) (All in a sudden) a big hand caught me and pulled me ( ). I (did) not know anything but I realized that I returned to the beach later(.) (It was) my father (who) saved me and I cried ( hard?). I (didn't) know why I was crying (at) that time(.) (Maybe) (it was) because (of) fear or ( happiness), (or) maybe I was moved.
Later I (found out表示由不知道到知道) that my father always came to the beach with me, but (he主句主语不是父亲，不能省略他) never made me aware (of that). My father gave me my life and (he) saved me (from) death(.) I do not want to thank my father here because (for) parents everyday (should be fathers' day or mothers' day) Thanksgiving.(囧，感恩节ms是庆祝作物丰收的？)
There is a saying in China (that) "the one who drowns is the one who is good at swimming"(.太长了) (So) after that (accident), I (was) always very careful when I was swimming(.) (Maybe) this is by falling we learn to go safely没明白最后是神马意思
大概改了一下，有些地方我也不确定你要表达的意思，最重要就是句子的完整，还有不要太长

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后面太乱了，就直接改了。你对照一下原文就知道了。
Glance at the graph provided （which) (原句里有glance,show两个动词，语法上错误，加上which，把它变成了从句）
shows(主语graph是单数） the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter ...

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后面太乱了，就直接改了。你对照一下原文就知道了。
Glance at the graph provided （which) (原句里有glance,show两个动词，语法上错误，加上which，把它变成了从句）
shows(主语graph是单数） the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart (concerns with) （整句句子里没有动词，所以把concern作为动词，concern with sth.是固定搭配）
the information of (electricity that used in English families.)（这个词组表达错误,英国家庭一般用English families）
According to the graph, we can see clearly that (in winter) （句子较长时，时间状语放前面比较符合英语表达方式）(the consumption of electricity in English families is larger（数量用large,不用high) than that in summer ) (in winter always above 30,000). Electricity consumption fluctuates during 0:00 to 12:00. The consumption of electricity （电力消耗用这个词组表达）at 2:00 is about 40,000. At 9:00, it drops to 30,000. However, （前后句意思反差较大，加个转折连词表达更通顺）the number rises slowly from 38,000 to 41,000 in the afternoon.（在下午，介词用in,in the afternoon) In the evening, the electricity consumption reaches the maximum in the whole day.(一整天中,这是固定表达） It soars rapidly from 41,000 to 45,000 during 19:00 to 23:00. At 0:00 ,（在一整天中的最后一小时，就是0：00）it plunges(主语单数） down to 35,000.
Let's （没有 let we这个说法）look at the second curve of this graph. It indicates（单数） the information of the consumption of electricity of English familie in summer. It differs（different是形容词，它的动词是differ) from that of the winter. It doesn't change greatly （表达程度的副词用greatly) in one day.
The electricity consumption usually waves between 12,000 and 18,000, but at the 9:00 it drops (下降至，用drop比较好）to 12,000 and at 13:00 ,it reach the highest point of （具体数值用0f表达）20,000.
The pie chart illustrates(单数） the amount of eletricity that used by different electrical equipments. （电力使用分布，根据上下文的意思来看，应该是指不同电器使用的电力，所以这样改）We find that the eletricity used （使用在烧水和供暖系统的电力占到。。。所以主语应该是使用的电力，）in heating rooms and water occupy 52.5 percents of the total consumption. Radio and TV consums 15 percents, which is the same amount that vacuum cleaners and food mixers used.（这个就是吸尘器和food mixers消耗电的比例与radio,TV是相同的都是15%） The remainders are shared by the ovens, kettles and washing machine. （剩余的是复数，动词用share比较恰当）
In conclusion, （总之，比all in all要更地道）according to these picture, we can find the information of eletricity used in English families and kinds of electrical equipments that used in winter and summer.
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No pain No gain
I encountered a terrible thing when I was 10 years and I never forgot it, because at that moment I was between life and death.
I was born in a coastal city, the peoples of this...

全部展开

No pain No gain
I encountered a terrible thing when I was 10 years and I never forgot it, because at that moment I was between life and death.
I was born in a coastal city, the peoples of this city very fond of swimming in the sea and I always go to the beach after dinner, this had become my habit. That day of my story was a bad weather day and sea wind was so heavy, I was very overconfidence of my swimming technique, so still had went to the beach and swum in the sea alone, I was very excited so farther and farther away from the shore, maybe that is not very far for adult, but I dare say the water deeper than my height, the weather is getting worse, I realized the danger so decided to return to shore, but it's too late, a big wave came towards me suddenly then I choked a water and be swallowed by water, I tried to stay awake and exhausted all efforts to self help, but a big wave follow came again, then I was completely submerged into the water, I feel my consciousness gradually blurred even can't feel the pain, but a big hand caught me and pulled me to move, I do not know anything but I realized that I returned to the beach later, my father saved me and I cried the moment, I don't know why I was crying in that time, maybe because fear or felt happy, maybe I was moved.
Later I knew that my father always came to the beach with me, but never made me aware that him. My father gave me my life and my father saved me in the face of death, I do not want to thank my father here because in front of parents everyday is Thanksgiving.
There is a saying in China, just "the one who drowns is the one who is good at swimming", so after that incident, I always very careful when I was swimming, may be this is by falling we learn to go safely.

收起